admitting it

i am coming to terms with a thought that has been in my head ever since i put in my papers. im having second thoughts. I don't want to leave Hawaii and maybe im being super selfish because things are going really well here... but i don't wanna go. so im thinking about maybe putting my papers on hold.... the whole call. i need little more time to feel things out. there are too many big things happening right now that i just need time to figure it out peacefully and un-rushed. so i entertained the thought of maybe going to school in the winter and letting the call sit till the summer..... is that a bad idea? im just!!! AAAAH! but then its like... if im going to stay then i need to find housing and register.... maybe i should do all that just in case and then i can just cancel it all if i need to? i dunno. its confusing for me. ps. spanish is fun ;)