teedle hee

i go to the dentist on tuesday! ahh! i hope i don't have any cavities... but chances are, i do. i haven't been to the dentist in like 5 years... seriously... that long! the doctor even longer! so it was nice to go and find out i don't have any diseases. Guys! im getting so close to putting in my papers! im so nervous/excited! i taught gospel doctrine today and taught the story of Jonah and the whale and how we need to spread the word of the lord. I feel like it was kind of my confirmation that im on the right track. :) I had fun teaching and the spirit was really strong. I think i did a good job of combining fun with the spirit. im excited to be surrounded by the spirit all the time and to see the lord change some lives! Its so amazing that i have this opportunity to witness miracles and to serve. I love my life. :)

heart cracks.

yes or no. is it weird that i talk to dans best friends like all the time but i haven't spoken to him in weeks? it seems like if i watch a sad movie or, in this case, just got done reading mockingjay, i think about how mad i am at him and how he probably doesn't know, or doesn't care that he has really hurt my feelings. I wouldn't say that he broke my heart. no. he only slightly cracked what was glued back together. My heart has only been seriously shattered once and i never plan to ever let it be even slightly broken that badly again. And not all breaks are caused by failed relationships. I think, maybe my hearts bondings were weakened when my parents got divorced... even more so when my dad died. Support beams falling as I lost my mothers trust in a moment of weakness. Crashed a few cars. Lost all my money from when my dad died. and then a long came the person who ruined my life and shattered my heart. (well obviously he didn't ruin my life since im still here and roughly the same person i was before) And that is a whole other can of worms that i choose never to open. ever.

i wish...

1. I wish i didn't walk on eggshells

2. I wish i didn't receive a but load of unwanted advice from people who have no idea who I am.

3. I wish i felt pretty again.

4. I wish people knew how much i really don't think about dan.

5. I wish people knew that i still love him, i don't hate him at all.

6. I wish someone would be really excited about things that matter to me instead of saying "hmm"

7. I wish i could accurately describe what im feeling but im too retarded.

8. I wish ally were here.

9. I wish I wasn't always in the judgement seat.

Just leave me alone. I don't care about what you think of me! Ever since i was little my mother said I was a free spirit. Im going to stay true to who i am. I wont change for you and your standards.

New Song

I wrote this song. Tell me what you think of it.

I cant help but feel a bit like im ten

when i think of you now and then

we were so stupid but so in love

thought of nothing more than wishes above

at the time it felt realler than real

that moment was the only one you could feel

you can analyze like a girl for hours and hours

why a falling out loomed like foreboding towers

CHORUS

I don't ever wanna be alone, except when i do

I don't ever wanna be alone, except when im with you

I don't ever wanna see the funny things you do

cuz needless to say im kinda mad at you

My skin crawls when you are so quiet

you have put us on a no words diet

out of sight out of mind is where i will be

until you can remember why it was you picked me

Do you ever feel a bit like you're ten?

Do you ever think of me now and then?

Do you really believe that we were in love?

Do you care for the wishes I send above?

CHORUS

So when you decide you want to wake up

I will be here and i wont try to fake up

You are still my hearts ever aching explosion

I will keep my hope, and i will keep my composure.

hide your sons and hide your daughters.

no where is safe. not even a blog. not facebook, not e mail, not television, not radio, no where but inside your head. The only thing that is still safe is true art and nature.

I don't hate subway no mores. they gives me free samiches and now there are newer people than me so no one criticizes my crappy sandwich making skills. Im just the picasso of sandwich artistry! what can i say? And we even got new t shirts! yay! I had a good weekend. things are good other than me getting into random facebook fights. I wish everyone would just stay out of everyone elses business!

Jack Johnson? Oh Yeah?

Today I saw Jack Johnson riding his bike on north shore! It was pretty cool. We turned the car around and tried to find him to get his autograph but we couldn't find him! Oh well... at least we saw him. :)

good advice

this is some good advice i found online. I know it has helped me just by making me question some of my actions and motives. Hope it can maybe help you too!

1. Commit yourself to making lots of mistakes. – Mistakes teach youimportant lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
2. Find hard work you love doing. – If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice on other people’s ideas, goals and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
3. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life.
4. Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is not living.
5. When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in diverse directions. So narrow your focus on learning fewer career related skills and master them all.
6. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking.– People will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute girl you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it; she hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given her the time of day either. In life, you have to communicate with others. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
7. Make swift decisions and take immediate action. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities, or someone else will first. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it. Remember, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
8. Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
9. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter. When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And, at times, they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, ten years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
10. Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.
11. Talk to lots of people in college and early on in your career. – Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I left my first two employers by choice on good terms), but I only interviewed with the first employer. The other two employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball for the duration of your career.
12. Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day. – Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out the next logical, productive step in your life.
13. Ask lots of questions. – The greatest ‘adventure’ is the ability to inquire, to ask questions. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself. These answers will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions is the answer.
14. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
15. Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.
16. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
17. Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right. Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies. Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
18. Be who you were born to be. – You must follow your heart, and be who you were born to be. Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings with the strings of a guitar. Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose. Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish. And still, some of us were born to be or do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. You better be born to do it! Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.

But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride.

Europe Land

Rothenburge Germany
Venice Italy

Dachau Concentration Camp

Chillon Castle, Switzerland
Eifel Tower, France
Parliament and Big Ben, London
Some amazing ladies and gents that I met

I miss Europe and getting to visit really cool places and getting to meet really nice people from all over the world. I miss my friends that I made on the trip and my "tour romance" haha. so dumb. I think I really miss the rush of adventure that you get when you go somewhere new and explore places you have only seen on T.V. I will never stop exploring.

my food baby is named Jenifer.

I miss these chicas. Hawaii just is not the same without them. Man. I am just baffled at how this week has been! So up and down and all over the place. Crying, laughing, feeling peaceful, feeling the spirit, yelling, and a lot of quiet observations. Why do i still feel like im in high school? I feel like im hiding like my first few years of high school. No one really knows who I am, and if you show too much of who you are all at once, it freaks people out..... Not that im freaky... but i really doubt anyone understands me very well. In high school, one thing i was really good at was figuring people out. I found that after meeting someone for the first time, i could make one quick assessment of them based on observation and just the feeling i get when i meet them, and then that "judgement" would ring true to me at a later time. I feel like im doing this again, being thrown into a sea of new and intimidating people. I miss my familiars. Where you don't have to be careful about what you say because they can already read your mind and were about to say the exact same thing and so you both end up laughing really hard about it. I miss laughing really hard. I want to laugh so hard that i cry and my ribs hurt! That seems to only happen with Alex lol. I want to be funny again. No one thinks im funny..... or if they do they are only laughing on the inside. I want to be in a play again! over half a year without being in a show!!!! i have not had a break from theater in a little over 5 years. But its okay... it will always be there. A mission on the other hand!!! I talked again to my bishop today and he said we could start the paper work next week!!! ah man. im so excited! Im always wondering where im going to go. Well anywho... i should probably start using paragraphs so its easier to follow my thoughts... bye!