OOOooooh NOOOoooo

so here i am at stephanies at her treat party. were just playin some games that i suck at so im just watching them all sing Glee songs and remembering how i havnt felt this way since high school. I dont know what it is.. like... i dont really fit in... dont get me wrong everyone is so nice and funny... but its that feeling like you are just another person existing in the room instead of being involved. You are probably thinking "well thats your own dang fault for not trying or putting yourself out there!" well i do. Im just not feelin the activities right now. I think i just miss my friends from st george who let me be whoever i wanted to be (which was usually just myself) i never ever ever felt like i needed to impress anyone and never felt threatened by anyone. (like i did in high school) I feel on guard and reserved. I cant be explosive and weird because i feel judged. people think that im doing it for attention (and maybe i am, get over it) but really thats just who i am. grrrr i feel stupid for feeling like this but i cant help but feel it. any suggestions?