Getting Over Things

I wish I was more consistent about blogging. I really love going back and reading about my life!  Well... Life has been really kind for a long time to me... and then it got really confusing and unfair. I met my most favorite human in the whole world. Eric Goold. We were really good friends for about 9 months and we were never interested in dating each other, and then out of the blue I realized that I was jealous that he was flirting with my friend. A few months later, I mustered the courage to tell him how I felt, and as it turned out, he felt the same. The problem? He had just been accepted into medical school on the east coast.
We had a trip to Alaska planned and were going backpacking for four days on the Crow Pass Trail near Anchorage. The trip was magical. The happiest I have ever felt with another person. I cant even describe to you how elated I was to be stinky and tired and walking so many hours a day with that guy. We made it official on that trip and decided to make it work long distance.
That went really well for a while. I sent letters, and packages, and we skyped and called all the time and things were great! We were so excited for me to come out and actually visit him in Richmond.
When I got to Richmond, I encountered an Eric that I had never met before. He was withdrawn, tired, and stressed about school. It was so understandable as he was working harder than he had ever had to work before in school. I came at the worst possible time, as he had his first test the day after I left. This trip was not magical and blissful like all our other weekends that we had had together. I was a little disappointed and he could see that. We talked it out on my last night and I thought we had hashed it out to needing more time to work things out. To see where things would go. For me to move out in January so that we could actually date in person.
Two days after I got home, Eric texted me to tell me it was over and that he wanted me to call him. I was so bewildered and confused. His excuses make no sense to me. To keep things short, he basically gave up on me and this relationship. We were planning on getting married and then he dropped this huge bomb on it! He said that it just didnt make sense to him anymore and that he would eventually grow to resent me, and I him. I think he is just stressed... that he got scared because things were not as magical as they were. Reality set in and he realized that work was involved in this relationship and I think he just couldnt handle med school AND a relationship. He couldnt live up to his perfectionist standards for the perfect boyfriend/husband.
I am heart broken. So many plans have gone to waste. So many good times are now tainted with the anger I feel. Today was actually a break through day for me as I realized that everything happens for a reason and I need to trust that God has bigger plans for me. Maybe I would not have been happy with a husband who spent more time with school than he did with me. Although I cant see it now, I know I will see Gods hand in this later. Eric made a dumb decision in not even trying to work it out. But Im not going to worry about that anymore. Im going to move forward, saying "whatever will be will be."