My Alaskan adventure has ended, along with my relationship with Aaron, and also any hope of traveling in the near future. Not traveling is something I find very hard to accept, but I know that getting this degree is going to be worth it. Its only been a week of me feeling like i can actually handle getting a masters degree. Its HARD. I didnt understand half the jargon and everyone seems to know so much more than I do. They all got their undergraduate degrees in political science or business. And im like "oh hey guys! I like people from other countries and stuff!!!" I got so overwhelmed with everything that I went straight to the dean and asked to be taken out of the program. I was contemplating joining the peace corps or trying to find an anthropology job in some other country for a while. Ive got major wander lust right now. After talking with her for 2 hours, she convinced me to stay in the program and went over all the classes that I would be taking and showed me all the great things I could do with such a diverse degree as public administration. So Im still here. Pretty thankful that I didnt give up completely.
Things have been difficult nonetheless. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to find a job. I have never had THIS much trouble finding a job. In fact, this is week 5 in Cedar and I still dont have a job. I have had 3 interviews for really good jobs, but have yet to actually get one. I have another interview on Friday and am hoping and praying that this can be the job for me. Honestly, if I dont get this one, Im going to have to move back home and commute up to school. No one wants that... except my mom. She is lonely.
I guess while im writing I can extrapolate a little about what happened with Aaron. This will be short. I started to feel differently about him and really got tired of the same old thing happening. Yo yo after yo yo with zero progression in the right direction. I felt like life had become a record player with the needle skipping over the same exact part over and over. So I told him exactly how i was feeling, and since moving to cedar i have told him that he needs to let me go and work on being ok with himself. Because really, you cant honestly be happy with another person if you are not happy with just yourself first. And thats really his biggest problem. Self esteem. I know he will find happiness one day, and I love him I really do and I wish him the best. But its time for me to move on to other things. I dont really want to date for a while. I quite enjoy being alone. No telling anyone where Im going, no worrying about communicating with someone regularly, and a generally simple life. Perfect. Wow. this is a long post.
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