Blowin in the Wind

I may have made some rash life decisions on account of my brain not being able to process my break up with Eric. I decided to drop my life in Provo and "go where the grass is greener" by moving back to St. George. Throughout these two months that I have had to really realize and understand that Eric is never coming back and that it was really really really really over, I was trying so hard to be ok, but was continually falling apart and re-wallowing in my sadness. Luckily, last week I finally messaged him, begging for the closure I needed, and to let him know that I just wasn't "getting well" and moving on. It may seem selfish and terrible that when he told me that he was miserable and not doing well in school, I was relieved. It is the worst feeling in the world to think that the person you loved and who left you is doing dandy and is moving right a long with their life while you are stuck in misery. We had a really good talk. I am convinced that this is not what he wanted as much as it is something he felt like he had to do for some reason. And that is comforting. You know how it feels to finally get that fuzz out of your eye? Or when you finally get that tiny sliver out of your thumb? Thats how this conversation felt. Liberating. Like I can finally move on in a positive and healthy way knowing that he cares about me and that I can find whatever is out there for me. 

Anyway, back to my rash decision. Now that I am feeling better, I am wishing that I hadn't chosen to leave so quickly. Who knows, maybe I am supposed to go to St George, but I really like my life here.... sigh. Im just blowin in the wind.