Its been a while since i have posted anything! and i couldnt just leave my last blog so depressing! Things with Dan are so much better! we got over whatever it was that was making our visit hard for us and then it was like we were best friends all over again! and now we talk everyday and its nice to have him back and being able to tell him anything and just getting his opinions on things and being my friend.

I have been home in Utah now for about three weeks and im loving every minute of it! Its so nice to have an army of people who i can call who are always wanting to go out and do stuff that i wanna do and have fun! And everything that I love to do is here so its just that much better! And ive been able to help out a little bit with theater stuff at Dixie College and ive been so deprived of anything theater for so long that its like heaven just to be able to see a decent show! So basically what im saying is, im not quite ready to go back to Hawaii yet. I havn't left behind enough good memories there to consider it a second home. But im hoping that after this term and semester I will be able to call Laie my other home town and have something to look forward to after I leave it. Well anywho, life is good and im happy. thats all i can ask for!

He is not the same at all. I wish i hadn't come. end of story, he doesn't feel the same about me which makes me not really want to feel the same about him. friends it is i suppose.... :(

flashback... flashforward

im having a wonderful time right now listening to my 90's playlist that i made! there were so many good songs that i have forgotten about! especially the "if you want to buy me flowers... then go ahead now!" one... its my favorite one... and karma police. I have been trying to entertain myself until school ends and i can go home. Also Dan and i have been getting in a few tifs lately, but luckily we worked them all out so im actually excited to see him again haha. Im semi afraid of what will happen after i see him and then we have to go back to not really having any visits or anything to look forward to.... i yuv him and don't really wanna break up. sigh. not to be worried about right now.

I gave blood earlier today, my first time in like 8 months, and i forgot how weird it feels to not have a pint of blood in you. i was a space cadet for the rest of the day! which didn't help with work and my grotsky snob co-worker who feels like she has to pick on me. Im glad i donated though. it always makes me feel good about myself.

Im so freaking excited to go home!!!!! i have so many plans! im not going to have any time to even breath! so many people to visit, trails to mountain bike, streets to bike, hills to bomb, showers to sing in, karaoke bars to rock, food to eat, canyons to explore, and just general adventures to be had. It might be the best summer i ever have :) and im excited to see my love again :) :)!ok... well im really sleepy now so i will end this little rant. thanks for reading !

I would just like to take a moment and thank these people for being intuitive and caring enough to help me in a time of need, some without me even communicating that i needed it. thanks guys, its nice to be reminded of my army of support.

-Stephanie Holm

-Ally Robison

-Dan Noyes

-Hannah Davenport

-Chelsea Owens

-Pete Leavitt

-mom

Thanks for helping me find sunshine in a dark world.

my life as a hermit.

well... now that everyone is gone for summer, life is slowly getting more and more dull. my life pretty much consists of school, making sandwiches for annoying people at subway, dealing with my horrid co-workers, watching lost, playing PVZ, and the occasional beach visit. Im so happy that i have something to look forward to. Only 22 more days best friend!! :) Oh, i have also kinda started liking Paramore... which i wasn't really into them before, then i heard the song "All I Wanted" and its so good! I just wanna run around screaming when i hear it... perhaps it will motivate me to go running? maybe... also i am so happy that i am a literate individual... you know that i can form complete sentences that make sense and are usually spelled correctly. There are so many people online not using proper english. Not from this country? Thats fine, this rant is not for you. Lived in the US your whole life? Well let me tell you something... there are three types of theres. there, they're, and their. Why are there three of them? because we need them. Oh! there are three types of to as well! to, two, and too. Please just learn how to use them.... it's not a huge deal but it's just bugging me now that i'm a hermit and have nothing better to do. You know what doesn't count for me at least? Capitalization of the letter i. Or just any word really. Ok... well i think i have said about enough here. Jolly good!

What? OH..... really? i have the entire day to myself? I don't have work... or school... or any other meetings or responsibilities? well! im just blown away! what should i do with this glorious day? i should go to the bank and then the DMV and perhaps the coin machine at Food land that gives you magic monies.... but maybe i will go to the beach instead... or watch movies and sleep... or.... wow there's not really a whole lot to do here by yourself... and im pretty sure no one else gets the day off... plan foiled!

OOOooooh NOOOoooo

so here i am at stephanies at her treat party. were just playin some games that i suck at so im just watching them all sing Glee songs and remembering how i havnt felt this way since high school. I dont know what it is.. like... i dont really fit in... dont get me wrong everyone is so nice and funny... but its that feeling like you are just another person existing in the room instead of being involved. You are probably thinking "well thats your own dang fault for not trying or putting yourself out there!" well i do. Im just not feelin the activities right now. I think i just miss my friends from st george who let me be whoever i wanted to be (which was usually just myself) i never ever ever felt like i needed to impress anyone and never felt threatened by anyone. (like i did in high school) I feel on guard and reserved. I cant be explosive and weird because i feel judged. people think that im doing it for attention (and maybe i am, get over it) but really thats just who i am. grrrr i feel stupid for feeling like this but i cant help but feel it. any suggestions?